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Sitting Shiva
Sympathy Gift,
the
Jewish Tradition
of Mourning
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Strength in numbers
Sitting Shiva is the tradition of mourning in the Jewish religion.
Gathering together as a community is at the core of sitting Shiva,
just as it is at the core of many Jewish traditions. The strength and
support of friends, family and neighbors, during sitting Shiva, plays
a key role in helping the bereaved get through the process of
grieving.
Shiva is the mourning period, traditionally observed by the parent,
spouse, sibling or child of the deceased. During S
Shiva ("sitting
Shiva"), which is traditionally a seven day period that begins
immediately after the funeral, the family stays home to focus on their
grief, remember their loved one and receive visitors. Although
traditionally a seven-day period, many families sit Shiva for a
shorter period; perhaps 1, 2 or 3 days. The Shiva period is often
announced at the funeral.
Sympathy Gift Baskets are Customary
Jewish custom discourages sending flowers or gifts other than food
when people are sitting Shiva. In fact, Shiva begins with seudat
havra'ah, "the meal of consolation," prepared by family and
neighbors. For those who are unable to make a personal visit, sending
a food gifts basket such as a Shiva Food Gifts or Sympathy Gift
Baskets, with a thoughtful card is an appropriate and helpful gesture.
"I find that when giving a sympathy gift or sympathy basket,
people feel the need to send it immediately," says Jane Moritz,
owner of The Challah Connection. "However, it's important to
remember that people are visiting throughout and even after the Shiva
period. The need for food to share continues for some time, so spacing
out gifts is perfectly acceptable."
Be sure to find out if the family sitting Shiva keeps kosher so you
can send an appropriate food gift basket. In addition, when you are
thinking of what to write, a simple message when people are sitting
Shiva is best. Consider a message such as "With our heartfelt
sympathy," or "We are so sorry for your loss. You are in our
thoughts," or the most traditional, "May God comfort you
among all mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."
What you can do and say
For many, consoling the bereaved that are sitting Shiva can be
difficult and uncomfortable. However, Jewish customs are quite clear
in describing proper etiquette and that helps alleviate awkward
feelings. Generally, be a good listener and be as helpful as possible
when people are sitting Shiva.
Soon after arriving, visitors should approach the mourners and sit
quietly with them, possibly offering a hug or handshake, but letting
the mourner begin the conversation. They may not feel like talking at
all, and sitting in silence is perfectly acceptable. Alternatively,
the visitor can simply say, "I'm sorry," and that can be
enough. Just being there says it all--words are not always necessary
when visiting those sitting Shiva.
It helps to remember that Shiva occurs during the most intense days
of mourning. Those who have just lost a loved one will experience a
range of powerful emotions, and that is an important part of the
healing process. This is the perfect time to share stories, photos and
cherished memories of the deceased. Moreover, if you do not know what
to say, remain silent.
Shiva--an act of kindness
If there is a chance to be helpful, make an offer, or just complete
the task, when appropriate. Run errands, pick-up at the airport, host
someone coming in from out of town, cook or clean up, or take care of
children. Whatever can be done to remove daily chores from those
sitting Shiva becomes an immense help. Shiva calls should be thought
of as an act of kindness, not as a burden. The visit can be an hour or
less to avoid tiring the family. Different families will observe Shiva
in different manners. It is traditional for mourners to have a tear in
their clothing to symbolize their loss; they may sit on low stools or
even on the floor to show the depth of their sadness, and some show a
traditional disregard for vanity and personal comfort by maintaining
only the minimal standards of personal care, dressing simply and
covering mirrors. Usually a 24-hour candle burns in memory of the
deceased. In some homes, mourners will recite Kaddish up to three
times a day with a minyan, which is a group of 10 Jewish adults. At
times, it is difficult to gather a minyan, so visitors who can
participate are especially appreciated.
Jane Moritz - an investigative freelance writer. For more
information regarding Jewish mourning customs, he recommends you to
visit http://www.aish.com
For more information go to http://www.challahconnection.com
food gifts and http://www.challahconnection.com/kosher-gift-basket-shiva-sympathy-c-11_41.html
sympathy gift baskets
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